Martedì, 12 Gennaio 2016 20:02

Incredible portraits weren’t captured with a camera

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I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle, they’re on TV! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

RADIOACTIVE MAN(H1)

Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” What’s the point of going out? We’re just going to wind up back here anyway. You don’t win friends with salad. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

  • Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix.
  • Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
  • Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

ROSEBUD (H2)

Ahoy hoy? I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!

CAPE FEARE

Oh, loneliness and cheeseburgers are a dangerous mix. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. I didn’t get rich by signing checks.

I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world.

This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.”

When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun.

THE ITCHY AND SCRATCHY AND POOCHIE SHOW

I hope I didn’t brain my damage. Jesus must be spinning in his grave! Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…

DUFFLESS

I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Remember the time he ate my goldfish? And you lied and said I never had goldfish. Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? *Why did I have the bowl?*

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7954 comments

  • Comment Link Clarkdrimb Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by Clarkdrimb

    The Seattle Kraken can see the finish line in their bid to qualify for the Stanley Cup playoffs in just their second year of existence. The Anaheim Ducks are one of the teams that stand in their path, and the Kraken will try to bump them aside when they meet on Thursday night in Seattle. The Kraken (40-25-8, 88 points) hold the first wild-card spot in the Western Conference with nine games remaining. Seattle is seven points out of third place in the Pacific Division and owns a three-point edge on the Winnipeg Jets, who hold the second wild card by two points over the Calgary Flames. The San Jose Sharks did the Kraken a favor when they beat the Jets 3-0 on Tuesday night, but Seattle would prefer to take care of business on its own. The Kraken are 3-4-2 in their past nine games, which has prevented them from solidifying a playoff spot. Seattle is also winless in its past four home games (0-3-1), with its last victory at Climate Pledge Arena coming against the Ducks on March 7, a 5-2 win. Kraken fans are also feeling impatient with their goalie situation. Philipp Grubauer was pulled in the most recent game, a 5-1 loss to the Minnesota Wild in St.
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    Paul, Minn., on Monday, after surrendering four goals on 13 shots. Martin Jones made six saves in relief. Grubauer has a 2.57 goals-against average for his 11-year NHL career, but is over 3.00 for the second straight year with the Kraken. Seattle coach Dave Hakstol doesn't seem to be panicking, however. "We need our depth to keep doing what they're doing," Hakstol said after practice Wednesday. The Ducks (23-41-10, 56 points) are in a much different boat than the Kraken. Loser of five in a row, Anaheim could be without its top two scorers, Trevor Zegras and Troy Terry, when it opens a three-game road trip in Seattle. Zegras, who leads Anaheim with 22 goals and 37 assists, sustained a lower-body injury in the first period of a 5-1 loss to the Colorado Avalanche on Monday. He tried to play through the pain, but eventually left after the second period and did not return. Zegras did not practice with the team in Anaheim on Wednesday, but he will accompany the Ducks on the trip and his status is day-to-day, Anaheim coach Dallas Eakins said. Terry will not make the trip, as his wife, Dani, is expecting their first child. Derek Grant, who scored the lone goal in the loss to Colorado, said the team can't make excuses for not playing well. "You have to show up every night, no matter where you are in the standings or what time of the year it is," Grant said.

  • Comment Link Haroldbok Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by Haroldbok

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link Haroldbok Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by Haroldbok

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link Haroldbok Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by Haroldbok

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link Haroldbok Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by Haroldbok

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link Haroldbok Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by Haroldbok

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link AaronAlelo Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by AaronAlelo

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link AaronAlelo Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by AaronAlelo

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link AaronAlelo Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by AaronAlelo

    SEATTLE (AP) - The Seattle Kraken will be without forward Andre Burakovsky for the start of the Stanley Cup playoffs after he underwent surgery to address a lower-body injury. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website Kraken announced Burakovsky?s status after a 3-1 loss to Vegas in their regular-season finale Thursday night. a rel="nofollow noreferrer noopener" target="_blank" website has not played since Feb.
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    7 against the New York Islanders when he was injured on his first shift in Seattle?s first game after the All-Star break. Burakovsky was expected to return in March, but experienced a pair of setbacks in his recovery. The latest setback came recently after he was on the ice for practice in a red no-contact jersey. At the time of his injury, Burakovsky was Seattle?s leading scorer.
    He had 13 goals and 26 assists in 49 games prior to his injury. Burakovsky signed a five-year, $27.5 million deal with the Kraken last offseason after helping Colorado to a championship. Seattle will open the playoffs next week against either Dallas or Colorado, depending on the outcome Friday?s game between the Avalanche and Predators in Nashville. ___ AP NHL: website and website

  • Comment Link Stevenbap Domenica, 16 Luglio 2023 16:05 posted by Stevenbap

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